Starting up again
After the storm at Fort Funston
I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about retirement, although I was excited about the possibilities. Now here it is and I’m not sure how I feel. I closed my store 12 Small Things in Bernal Heights at the end of 2024 and finished my work as a wholesale rep for Keena Co (now the Harper Group) at the end of last year. I’ve been trying to shut down my 12 Small Things website and launch this new one, but not before I fully archived all my content. I am also retiring from my role as president of the Bernal Business & Arts Alliance, cleaning up financial files, editing their new website and handing over multiple responsibilities. So where is this free time to do my own thing that’s supposed to happen? I am realizing that it doesn’t just happen, I have to work for it.
What will I do with my free time, folks ask? I hope to do my own artwork again, I don’t know what that will look like but cant wait to find out. I also want to finish the quilt for our bedspread I started working on last year, and finish the needle point pillow covers that my sister started decades ago. There are tubs of family photos stored in our basement, that need sorting and scanning and made into digital albums. How many times have I told people that I wanted to clean and paint every room in the house? And change the sinks in our bathrooms to give the rooms a facelift. What about my two guitars sitting by the piano in the living room that haven’t been played in years, and my plan to take flamenco dance lessons? I really want to do all these things but when can I start?
I have so much to be thankful for, with most of my family and friends living in San Francisco, they take priority over any other plans I may have. My husband’s parents are in their 90’s and have in-home care but often need additional help or special outings like lunch at the museum. My oldest daughter got a puppy last year along with a new job, so I’ve offered to babysit Ringo twice a week which is a joy but takes up time. My youngest daughter is getting married this summer so there are many fun details to work out together in preparation. Plus a good friend of our’s son is getting married in Greece which we’ll be attending, along with visiting family in France and England. And my husband has a honey-do list for me since I’m at home, which requires research and hiring helpers to finish projects that have been postponed while we were both working. So where is all this free time?
If I’m not able to experience this vast stretch of open, unscheduled time waiting for me like I imagined, I’ve tried to appreciate the little moments in between being busy. Like in the mornings when I walk from Bernal Heights to Noe Valley to pick up Ringo and am greeted with leaps of enthusiasm and dragged to the dog park where chasing a ball has no endgame. We stop only for Ringo to eat his breakfast and I watch the nannies push their strollers around the park while bilingual children play together. The women’s capoeira exercise class crowds the blacktop and provides a pulsing soundtrack for our outing. On our walk back to Bernal we chase pigeons and try to avoid all the spilt scraps of food pressed into the pavement that Ringo tries to lick. On the steep hills of Bernal we watch the crows and ravens draft overhead and marvel at the clouds as they change shape with the wind.
As I run around trying to check off my errands list I frequently meet friends or new acquaintances who I make a point to listen to, which is different from having my own agenda to push. While I often come away feeling like I didn’t get a word in edgewise, I try to think of the encounter as a chance to let someone else be heard and hopefully learn something in the process. I don’t see as many people as I used to when I had my store, and appreciate the time alone for reflection and reading novels that have been waiting for me on undusted shelves. This does sound like retirement doesn’t it? Looks like I’ve already started!